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hi cousin
im sorry i wasnt there when we finally had time to catch up
we didnt even catch up at all
i even forgot to thank the gifts you gave me when you where here still
the dogs are doing fine
so are your skates
and i havent tarnished those hand me downs yet sowhen you broke down in front of my eyes i froze up
like i wasnt even related to you
i regretted that and im sorry
i should have been the one to comfort you knowing you the most out of anyone
i was reminiscing about the worst times
our cousins dont think of me well, as per usual
and i wasnt feeling myself lately
its been tough all this time but when i do try to speak of it, i would get embarrassed and shamed for itas if all that i had done was to shame them back
i retaliate with this letter to you
maybe its stupid of me to not be there or perhaps what im struggling with is not of good habits
but i know that it should not have been a big deal to just have a problem
i was taught to get mad at everything that didnt agree with your ideology
and that if worse comes to worst is to drink it all away
it had gotten so worse that it went from one drug to the nexti havent fully recovered since, but recently ive been sober for about three months
i hope to continue thatim not giving these things as an excuse for my laziness, or my unwillingness to change
if ever you wanted to hear how i was doing, this was the summary
im not kidding when that is pretty much the most notable thing ive done and thought about,
my relationships are fine and my studies are okay, but things that im worth noting for is scarcein the end i always ended up thinking im missing out on everything
like how all my other friends whom have already forgotten me have done a lot in their lives
or how my relatives have done the same thing times 100
or how making new friends is exhausting and what was once my energy stuck down to the drain
im not comfortable anymore with waiting and i have tried time and time again to exert something that is worth someone's eyes and ears fori hope that time is coming soon
- rijo
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Your child
At the end of his feet
Begins to crash an unprecedented facesYour instinct
Is to fleet for his piece
Reign beside them at your furnaceOn the death bed of your soles
Is the beginning to the end
But where else would this happen
Right between your feetOnly death will bring that toll
Is it receiving, or is it lead
By trying way too hard to act in
Under the treeThe tasks are piling up
And it aches like a migraine
You never get to ask
Just decided to tweetHabits of eating out your heart
Start aching by the thread
Where else would errors happen
If not right between your bedAt the end of the ropes
Why did you write those subtle things
Instead of telling to meAnd at the end of your tantums
With the bullet still hitting me
You hug back insteadSun is raising higher, pressure is to start
How many more days can we wait for the depart
You want to settle shit your own way
Why dont we find it all in a better arcAt a better place
Where we dont get to argue, and kiss and ache
And find a way to fuck it up in the first
Instance that got awayJust another mental block
To cage out our emo phase
And I never get to ask
Just decided to tweetWhat am I doing wrong
Do I have to be there
Is there someone there
Is it habit or are we degrading
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I've probably contributed at times
To act so snobby they just want to
Push back the resultsAnd I'm eager to pull back all this distaste
A gander to pull like a sun
A frog and a bear
I'll heat you up, bounce right back, and cuddle you as garnish
Just maybe my addiction will fucking vanishOh I'm so scared
That I envision
The drugs going into my headGateway or late stage
I take more of what I ask
And I ate more off their plate
I'm just giving back a tasteParents got a lot of my plays
When the life is oh so playful
When my lifestyle was hatefulOh Godspeed, roman empire
I never thought of said empire
At least I never relapsed so far so
Lend your earsAct like my stats are of an imbecile
There's waves, heaps shitter people out thereWhen I'mTrying to gush out my ways in futile
You're just a rushed out, stereotype of hateAct like my facts are out of this world
When days have gone by and I havent contributed to societyTrying to gush out all my lies, all my tries
All that bullshit I never get to sayDont think I think like of a alien
Just wait for the things I have to lay out thereWhen I'mNot sitting well and my posture's hating me
Long when the sun is rising
Long before frogs turn gay
Press on like a bear
And fuckin'
☹︎☹︎☹︎☹︎
I must have mistaken
For you to be reliable
It's such a shame for you to come to my group
And not help, such a shame
But if I do it all over again, one punch, the cycle remains
And another snot heavy hankerchief introvert quiet shy closeted
person will turn the other way around mad
And when it sticks to their heads that its all depression
They become my friend
Still
At least a test of their situation gives out
When calls to others is just as much, pain resides in a way
That's greatOh my life feels like every situated sadly sadness
Ever so slightly disgusted by things these days
I know it's hardCrying italics, in bold faced schematics of text
Tweeted, I know you feel some kind of vain
It's but a tazer flying awayI must have dozen of
For thinking the same way
Such a pain in the brain, mind, body, and veins
To keep that heart tainted without me around but in this
Vast majority of questionable age, it feels like a ego play
Much as everyone did to get what they want,
Much as the government pays their place
I'm only stating myself as a prescence, come here and hug me any day
I don't have the answers, I don't know shit about debate
But I can talk to you in anyway
I only formatted it this instance in a rant in my way
Because I'm a fucking
sad sack of shit at some point
a snot heavy hankerchief introvert quiet shy closeted
person who rage at anything he wants to break
And if its but a mistake you did to someone as well
You become my friend
And
At least what's given at your state is improvised
They taught your parents how to take all that pride in one bottle
Passed down or not it's but a dust to a rubble
That's greatOh every question you state, ventilation scatters
Homewreck, deadbeat, alcoholic, dependant, assumption, assumption
I know it's hardDon't ask me for advices
I'm only here to voice your waves
And of course, everything is hardAll of them, all of them
Only asked me to quit quit quit quit
I'm not getting over this groomer
I forgot how to talk to people
I forgot how to speak to people
I forgot how to act extroverted